As I delve deeper into what it means to live a good life, I’ve been discovering some fascinating cross-disciplinary research.
Nicholas Christakis, who originally trained as a doctor and is now a social science academic, weaves a compelling argument that we have evolved genetically as a species to be unusually prosocial, to create societies that are full of traits like love, friendship, cooperation, and teaching. To care for others not just because they advance our agenda in some way, but for their own sake. To extend this caring beyond our immediate family and friends to strangers and, among the best of us, even to enemies.
And yet.
We don’t have to turn to history to find multiple examples of behaviour that it would be a stretch to qualify as prosocial. To take a topical example: I have been struggling with intense frustration these past days as I see people here in France flouting – some with glee – the government’s measured and proportionate directives to contain the spread of COVID-19. Putting I before We, whether in the streets or in the shopping aisles.
It turns out that we’ve also evolved genetically to favour what social psychologists call in-group bias. Us versus Them. One explanation for this, according to Christakis, is that preferring our group to other groups actually facilitated cooperation as human society grew in size. But, thankfully, he says that we can actively choose to counter this. By zooming out: expanding the boundaries of our in-group. Or by zooming in: seeing each person as unique rather than as a reflection of their group.
The operative word is ‘choose’.
We can choose, every minute of every day, to rise to the better angels of our nature. Easier said than done when we’re (I’m), for example, in the throes of vigorously passing judgment on an unsuspecting soul. The essential step is to notice that we’re stuck in a self-made, self-justifying box. As soon as we notice, we can choose. We can choose to get out of the box. What often works for me is thinking of someone in that moment who brings out the best in me, my out-of-the-box person. Another method I use, and which dug me out of my COVID-19-related frustration, is to deliberately notice the good. To celebrate what’s right with the world.
How are you bringing out the best in yourself?